Whether you are grieving a loved one, your health, your livelihood, a relationship, or another meaningful part of your life, your loss deserves care and understanding.
In his poem "Separation," W. S. Merwin describes absence as something that runs through, and leaves its mark, on everything we do. Many people who grieve will recognize that feeling.
When the way forward feels uncertain, you do not have to see it yet. Simply knowing that connection, purpose and happiness remain possible, even if they feel far away today, can be enough.
Four Seasons of Grief
I have found The Four Seasons of Grief, developed by grief coach Emily Tanner, to be a gentle way of understanding what loss can feel like. Like real seasons, these stages are not a straight line. They return, overlap and arrive out of order. They can help us recognize where we are today:
R – Rawness: Devastation, shock, numbness and survival mode. Thinking clearly or making complex decisions can feel nearly impossible.
I – Isolation: The initial shock fades and the reality settles in. Everyday tasks feel hard, and you may feel deeply alone as the rest of the world keeps moving.
S – Self-Discovery: You begin testing new boundaries and discovering who you are in this next chapter of your life, often with unexpected guilt and setbacks.
E – Empowerment: Joy and peace can begin to return, allowing you to rebuild an active, fulfilling life while honouring the past and the journey you have travelled. Grief may remain part of your story, and that is not a failure of healing.
There is no timeline for any of this, and you may move back and forth between seasons until you find your way.
Be kind to yourself. Lean on those you love and trust. You do not need to know the whole way forward today; you only need the gentleness to take the next step at your own pace.
If you would like to participate in a grief group program, please email Diane at dianemcquaig@gmail.com. And if your grief ever feels overwhelming or unsafe, please reach out to your doctor, a counsellor or a crisis line. In Canada, you can call or text 9-8-8 at any time.
With warmth,
Diane McQuaig
Grief Recovery Coach
Sources:
Poetry Foundation, W.S. Merwin, Separation, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/28891/separation-56d21285b2140
Brave Widow, Emily Tanner, https://www.bravewidow.com/foundations